What's on Josie's Mind

Mostly what's been turning me on lately.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

2 April 2007 -- Weird dream last night. Back in my days of living on campus and with mostly the same people from my actual dorm -- but hostile persons unknown sprinkled/dusted the campus with powder or something containing a drug that made all the guys go crazy and start raping all the women around. I managed to get back to the dorm building unmolested but -- sounds creepy but in the dream wasn't -- Russ knocked out Fred to get to me (not that Fred was being boyfriend-protective; he was under the drug's influence too) and then had sex with me -- being how I had the long-running crush on him and was horny enough to have this dream, it wasn't rape.

After I woke up more, I went to the long-running fantasy of after a night out dancing or something, Gus and me having sex in a hotel room while Russ watches. Me on top, all kinds of view for Russ of every breast bounce, every hip thrust, every quiver and tremor that goes through me. And every moan as well. And those images ran into the idea that Gus is probably the only guy I know (at least of those I'm sleeping with) who would likely be willing to be video-recorded having sex. The idea of all those images that I first imagined Russ seeing, being put out for any others to get their rocks off to, turned me on. (It'll never happen in real life because of the technical issues of recording, hosting, and getting paid (since it's rather past the limits of what I'd put out there for free) would be such a pain. But it's hot to imagine anyone even being interested in paying to watch me have sex. It would be a pretty sincere compliment.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sorry for the long delay in posting, but Blogger's migration to a new system screwed up my account for some time.

16 0ctober -- Dammit, I think I hurt my back masturbating. Or re-injured, since I seem to have pulled something twice in two weeks and it just seemed to be healing the second time before last night when I was reading various Xander-related fics and worked myself up to quite a prolonged stretch of dildo and vibrator use. I doubt the style of masturbation with one finger on the clit that I used back when sharing a dorm room would have caused such ache. It's not nearly as bad a pain as it was the first two days after I did whatever injured the back, but it's definitely worse than it was yesterday. And it's kind of annoying because part of the reason I was masturbating after Jon went to bed was the likelihood that sex with a partner would really mess up my back.

10 Dec -- Last night's fantasy was dominating Russ. It's always Simon who dominates me, and me who dominates Russ. He agreed to anything; I imagined leaning him over a padded table, feet on the ground, a little bit apart, arms out on the table, tied in place. Ass all revealed, balls where I could cup them, hard-on pressing against the table's padding. (Just being tied down and exposed like that was enough to get him hard.) I dribble lube down his ass-crack and he squirms from the chill. Covering a butt-plug with lube, I work it inside him. Then I take out the vibrator and rub it all over his buttocks, thighs, balls, the base of the butt-plug, teasing and playing wtih him until he is practically fucking the table. Finally, I reach under and press my still-slick hand against his balls and then down his cock from base to tip -- he is standing on his tiptoes to raise his hips and give me better access to his cock -- and it only takes a few strokes before he comes, convulsing against my hand.

(I love that the sheet underneath this paper on my clipboard is a letter to Russ and his wife to go in their Christmas card. It feels so deliciously evil.)

Gus would like that fantasy, too, but if it were him bent over the table, I know he would prefer something longer in his ass, pumping in and out, bumping his prostate. But with him, the story doesn't have the "things you've never done before" frisson it does with Russ.

But things we have done before could still be fun with Gus. He keeps asking me to drip more candle wax on him, and right now I'm in a mood that I would like to. Last time we did that was before he had any body piercings, though. I don't know now it would work to drip wax on a nipple ring and have the heat conducted inside the nipple -- but he might like it.

2 Feb -- Interesting dream. Russ (who was generally addressed as "Senator" by others) was renting a hotel room under an assumed name (possibly Rogers according to a later remark). I was in the room with a male prostitute (who my brain oddly seemed to cast Norm McDonald, who doesn't do a thing for me) and Russ was in the bathroom. He came out with a full face of quite well-applied female-style makeup and made some remark about "Mrs. Rogers." I think Norm and I were already making out on the bed and Russ joined us. Once we were all naked, I got out lube and Norm lay on his back while I slicked up his cock and Russ's ass. Slowly, very slowly, Russ pushes down onto the cock below him -- I don't know how Norm can stay still. But then I straddle Norm's head, facing Russ, and Norm licks my cunt, very skillfully, adding a finger or two inside me after I am really worked up -- I sure can't tell how many; I'm just lost in the feelings of soft tongue brushing against my clit exactly right although it's not the same each time. I'm bucking and clenching and half falling forward into Russ, who I think it just gently rocking back and forth around the cock inside him. When I don't think I can take anymore and my clit is just too sensitized, I lift up and off his face, but still straddle him as I scoot forward toward Russ. I run my hands down Norm's front and up Russ's and then, palms still a bit slick from earlier lube application, circle them around Russ's cock. He thrusts forward and then Norm's hands pull his hips back down. We keep up that rhythm, passing Russ back and forth between the hands on his cock and the ones on his hips, until he comes with drops all over me and Norm, and I think Russ's inside constrictions bring Norm to his own orgasm. I expect after that we would all collapse on the bed in an exhausted, slick-turning-to-sticky tangle.

17 Feb -- I dreamed last night that there was some sort of live Kids in the Hall show on campus, and I was watching it sitting in the crotch of a small tree, and for some reason I was naked except for shoes, but not self-conscious, though my purse was sitting in my lap. And I heard Simon's voice; his girlfriend, whose face I could never see because it was hidden from me by the tree trunk, and Simon was behind her. They were both dressed but I suppose Simon undid his pants and lifted her skirt -- I couldn't see but I could hear him telling her softly how he was fucking her, talking dirty so I was squirming in my tree-seat and losing track of the show.

6 Mar -- The sex with Ed was Sunday night; the soreness in my inner thighs is still reminding me of it Tuesday afternoon. Just felt like something that intense needed to be memorialized somehow.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Continually forgetting to type stuff up here. Sorry.

27 March -- Tell me what you want to do to me. I have on this thin white gown with the spaghetti straps and a tiny white g-string. And the purple collar -- I can't forget I have it on; it makes me hold my head up. The cool air on my bare skin reminds me of standing under your gaze, wondering what you'll bring out. I want your mouth on my neck, my shoulders, my nipples. Your hand stroking my clit through the thin layers of fabric. How do you want me open to you? On my back with legs spread open, or facing down with my butt in the air for you to slap?

8 Jun -- Ed and I went by Todd Adult Video for the first time in quite a while this evening. They have a lot more lingerie/dancewear/shoes than they used to, but I quite like that. If I had any money I would definitely want to buy some nice glittery stretchy stripper lingerie; more heels too. The clothes are more expensive than other lingerie, which is already overpriced, but I guess that makes sense since stripper costumes have to hold up a lot more than bedroom lingerie. Anyway, I spent more time looking at shoes than the movies on the shelves underneath -- and I am the least shoe-interested woman in the Western world. But the heels and the spandex, just the idea of wearing them made me feel sexy.

9 Jun -- Buffy before bedtime leads to some really hot dreams. I was in a band with Oz and Devon, and Willow was in the band also, and we were playing parties and all screwing each other between sets, some as a result of party dare games and some just because of attraction.

22 July -- God damn it, it's like a disconnection in libido -- brain and cunt aren't connected. Even when I'm fucking wet, my brain thinks it's too much trouble. Haven't even finished the Best American Erotica 2006 anthology acquired at least 3 months ago. Can't be bothered to keep up with the smut groups on LiveJournal. Can't remember how long it's been since sex with Ed. I don't know if it's the antidepressants or my feeling so goddamned fat and flabby, which really came to my notice last week when trying on bras to replace my ratty, stretched out ones. I wear a 38C now. The B to C cup itself is weird, but when the rib cage right below the tits is the issue, the last place on the body to store fat, you really start noticing. Ed doesn't seem to care and Simon certainly keeps calling me, but I know. It keeps me from being able to turn myself on by dressing up in lingerie and stuff.

The libido is still buried in there. It comes out in dreams. This one a couple of weeks ago where it was Leah who was tying Russ to the chair and letting me have my way with him. The one last night where I was in the X-Files universe but aware I was from this one, and kidnapped by someone (probably they wanted to get into my home universe) and Fox Mulder was kidnapped too and put into the cell with me, and I was telling him about the difference in worlds, and trying to seduce him by telling him that if the captors saw me having sex with such a relative stranger as him, they wouldn't think of rape as a useful technique to get information out of me. (Clearly, my brain has read the rape scene in Heinlein's Friday too often.)

But why won't my waking brain think about sex?

17 August -- Hot sex with Simon, in normal artificial light, for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long. (I think his skin condition has cleared up a lot -- just comparing by touch with the past few times.) I hope we didn't keep Ed awake. It was kinda weird that I hadn't been thinking about sex or anything (though it was approaching the horny part of my cycle) but when Simon first had sent a little e-mail stating that he was at work even though they were closed to customers, but was bored and imagining what one could do in an empty building with a digital camera. Then he phoned when he was about to leave work, and I just said that sure, I was up for seeing him (and unstated, what that generally leads to). I'm surprised I wasn't tired after a day of work and all (actually, he said he was surprised as well). But hey, when libidos are actually in sync, might as well take advantage. And, if the last time Simon came over while Ed was here is any indication, Ed will probably realize it's a good time to make a move tomorrow or this weekend. Which is nice -- I'm just so bad at making moves myself.

20 August -- And Simon got up while he was undressing from where he had been sitting on the end of my bed to close the mirrored closet door. He said the view was a turn-on -- he'd been able to see my mostly-bare rear, and then while I was kneeling going down on him, my panties were pulled down to thigh-level, just rolled up low enough to expose me, so I expect that view was just as good. But I think pretty soon he was leaning back and closing his eyes. (grin) I did rather like the view of myself, back and butt, that I got when I glanced around after he closed the closet. It's my thighs and stomach I'm paranoid about, mostly.

Gus remarked when he was over today that he was almost disappointed if he used our bathroom and didn't see sex toys next to the sink (they were certainly there today). I thought I might get around to fulfilling his request to have candlewax dripped on him today, but we got too caught up in watching Angel. (Wesley looks pretty hot in leather, but I've still gotta prefer Spike.)

15 Sep -- Discovered Rockfic.com and now thinking about all kinds of sex stories starring rock musicians -- the one I wrote about Guns 'n Roses where Axl was wearing those black leather gloves -- I still visualize the picture that inspired that -- and the Beatles slash I've already collected off LiveJournal. In retrospect, it kinda surprises me that slash fantasies never occurred to me in my most dedicated music fan days when there were so many, many musicians I was drooling over. But hey, now I have stuff I'm not jaded about to ponder. Annoying for a scenario to lose its power after too much use.

16 Sep -- This morning's waking-up fantasy was about Slash (the man, not the genre). I was fucking him in the ass with a strap-on - it was something he'd never done (moderately hard to find with someone who's had 20 years of available groupies). It was really hot to press my tits against his back, reaching around first to put a finger in his mouth and then down to circle a nipple with that slick finger, grinding my own hips into the base of the dildo.

Monday, February 27, 2006

27 Feb 2006 -- I had this dream that was like Sixteen Candles gone pornographic (though oddly enough, during the dream I kept thinking of Fast Times at Ridgemont High) -- after the Anthony Michael Hall nerd tried to get his date with the sweet Molly Ringwald character (who then receded into the background) the male population of the school, including the previous nerd, gathered under a pier or something to see the hot blonde chick take off her top (as promised in advance) and then rub herself through her panties and then pull them aside and get some help from the hands of one of the popular guys (but no other parts of him). Then my brain went off into her being a sort of instructor for this school for inexperienced guys that was really all about getting them to know what to do with a woman.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

2 Feb 2006 -- I never snuck out of the house as a teenager, but I'm making up for lost time now. (Well, that's what it feels like, even though Ed doen't have a problem with it -- he's asleep and I'm trying not to wake him up and all.) Simon asked if I had anything interesting to wear and even offered his trenchcoat when I said my interesting clothes weren't fit to wear outside the house. So I put on that red satin gown with the transparent cups and the lace panels up to the crotch, and a thong and stockings and high heels, and covered it up with the purple and red floral satin bathrobe. Simon got a brief look in my apartment before I belted the robe tightly for the walk to the car, and on the way there he certainly seemed to enjoy sliding his hand over the lace panels and then pulling that up with the hand that wasn't on the wheel. Indeed, the outfit seemed even more of a success when we got to his place, because usually he's pretty quick to try and get me completely uncovered. This time we just stood in the middle of the floor and kissed and caressed and rubbed up against each other for the longest time. Then he said he had something to suggest, if I was up for it, and got out his handcuffs. I was a bit nervous but had spent enough time thinking about since the last time he asked, so I agreed.

He handcuffed me and raised my hands above my head in the archway between the two rooms, using a cord which he wrapped around the nails that were holding up stuff hanging on the wall. Then he kissed and rubbed and squeezed me all over, and went to get some ice and ran that over me. He had to uncuff me briefly to get the gown off, and then re-raised my arms and went on doing the same teasing -- it was so fucking hot. And he adjusted the cord and put a pillow down on the floor and said "On your knees." Ohh...I lasted longer at sucking him off than I usually do, too, before my jaw and all (well, actually, more my legs, the kneeling) started to pain me.

Back on my feet, then we took the panties off and tried to fuck standing up, me pushed up against the side wall of the archway, but we couldn't get lined up at an angle that would let his cock get to me. (Actually, I've never had a lover with whom standing sex seemed to work.) So we went to the bed, and ended up uncuffing me there because I needed to separate my arms to stay balanced on top of him. Sex -- rest -- sex -- rest -- sex. But as good as that part was, I think it's the earlier part that's going to stick in my brain. I loved being the one not in control and I wanna do it again, but I also want to do the same things to Amelie, which would be just as hot.

There are still slight red marks on one side of each wrist, more than two hours and a shower later. Just looking at them is exciting.

Monday, January 30, 2006

So weird how the brain and body can react so differently. I was reading this book Gus lent me, Saints and Sinners: An Erotic Anthology, and my brain was thinking that most of the stories didn't do much for me. Too much religion, guilt, angels and demons, priests, death -- not things that turn me on. But it had a few good places and I just skimmed over the rest. After that, it was about bedtime, and I did take the time to masturbate, and the body seemed far more worked up than I would have expected from my lackluster conscious response. I guess nothing in the book was actively gross or otherwise a complete turn-off, and it not being incredible kept me reading for a longer time. If it have been really good, I probably would have put it down to use my hands on myself earlier. At it was, I had put on my stiletto heels (me and costumes!) and the backs of my legs are reminding me today that they were tensed in an unusual position for a while last night.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Woo-hoo! Days of fighting computers to get new stuff posted are over!

1 Dec 2005 -- Chilly night and I'm lying on the bed in my green flannel pajamas, having just reorganized a lot of my porn story printouts (those I haven't lent to Gus for reading on his trip). My back aches from leaning over piles of paper. I need someone to rub it. Hands pressing up and down the length of my back, sliding underneath the elastic of the pajamas -- kneading my buttocks. I arch my back to push up to his touch. With some cooperation from me, he's able to slide the pants off, down to the knees and then off one foot at a time. Some pillows shoved under my hips until I'm at a height where my knees don't have to bend much to put my crotch up against his. His fingertips slide down my damp valley and press my clit while I'm trying to get positioned for a smooth glide backwards onto his stiff cock. My pajama top has slid down to around my armpits and I can feel my tits sway with every thrust from him, even though his hands on my hips are trying to hold me still. It feels so deep when he fucks me this way.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I get so behind on actually posting these things . . . sorry.

12 October 2005 -- Well, Simon and I are in one of our periodic semi-planning together ping-ponging e-mails on when we can next meet. It does make me feel sexy and wanted when Simon does this; but our schedules just don't jibe. Still, when he asked if I still had "those clear heels" (or, as I think of them, my stripper shoes -- those massively high heels I got at Priscilla's, which I was wearing the last time we got together for sex, a year and a half ago), I started planning clothing ensembles to include them. Something that can be worn outside the home, if only between house and car, unlike the white lace nightie of last time. I guess I could wear gartered stockings under jeans -- he liked those. He clenched his hands around the garter belt while I was on top of him. V-back top with no bra? No make-out distraction of underwires poking me, that way!

2 November 2005 -- Dreams.

Prince was doing a club show and there were no more tickets but I went down to the club and I looked so good in my stretch velvet leopard-print dresss and long pimp coat of a similar pattern that a member of the entourage picked me out to come in and dance up near the stage and Prince sees and flirts with me.
A whorehouse is doing a Thanksgiving special where you can eat items of the Thanksgiving dinner off the tied-up women. Mashed potatoes and gravy, slices of turkey, etc. I woke up and thought of doing that with Amelie, tying her down and licking food off of her.

7 November 2005 -- The dream of the night before last was drinking in my living room with Gus and Russ, starting to flirt and make out, and tying Russ to the papasan chair; he has a big ol' erection poking through his clothes, while Gus and I fuck on the floor in front of him, me on top so Russ can watch every breast jiggle and facial expression, and my hands can pull on Gus's nipple rings.

Last night's dream had seven or eight of us in a prison cell -- me, Ed, Gus, Simon, Al, Russ, Amelie's friend Todd, and sometimes Amelie herself. The guys were mostly chained so they could only sit against the wall, but I was loose in the dark cell (so was Amelie when she was in there) and I started out just clutching Ed for comfort but the sensations became a distraction from whatever reason we were all in the cell, and he and I started fucking, me riding him, and the others could hear but not see us and started to complain, and I said I'd fuck them next (and when she was there Amelie offered to as well). And so I went to Gus first, then Simon, in the darkness as he always has it these days, then offered the bi boy and the married men their chance. Todd was hot, and I think I woke up after that.

8 November 2005 -- A sex party with just about everyone I know socially -- Russ and Leah, Malka and her husband on the couch just watching, me and Gus and Amelie and her SuicideGirl friends, and Todd and Ed and maybe Al and his sweetie and Simon, playing with the liquid latex, coating nipples, and Amelie can try and fist me, after that conversation we once had about her hand fitting better than Ed's, and I can fuck Gus in the ass with a dildo in my hand, maybe lean over and go down on him once I've got the hang of the hand motion, and some eager male mouth can take over until he finally shoots down their throat.

Since Gus said, when he was drunk that time, that he would have liked to have kept on sucking Ed's cock during our threesome and thought that Ed was close to coming, I've been thinking about that. Perhaps if his eyes are riveted on me and Amelie, busy with each other's bodies on his bed, then he won't feel any need to hold back from orgasm with Gus's lips and tongue on him. It would give me a chance to explore Amelie's body without feeling guilt for leaving Ed out, or having any interference. See if she likes her nipples rolled between two fingers like I do, trace fingernails down her back, try and drive her crazy with teasing her clit, going around it gently with a circling finger and then taste-testing her finally, a finger sliding into her cunt while my tongue is busy outside her.

The idea of phone sex with Simon. Call him up late one night, ask if he's busy, tell him I'm alone and for whatever reason we can't get together in person, but I'd love to get off while talking to him. If he doesn't know how to start, bring up the time he tried to handcuff me and say to imagine I've agreed to that or anything at all that he tells me to do. How would he like me to dress? I ask, "Skirt? Lingerie? Naked?"

27 November 2005 -- Current fantasy object is Donavan Freberg. Interesting guy and a good writer, I know from Ed's pointing me to his regular blog. But I think what made me think of him in a sexual way was reading on his porn blog, in reference to a pic of a negligee-clad model in front of a bookcase, "Nerds in negligees really turn me on!" Silly me - I like guys who are likely to like me. I could straddle his legs when he's sitting in a chair at his computer, be unwrapped button by button down the front of the dress . . .

Friday, July 01, 2005

30 Mar 2005 -- This morning's waking-up fantasy was Russ, tied to a chair naked for me. I'm straddling him, tits in his face, telling him what a good sex toy he makes, pumping up and down on his cock, when Leah comes by and she kisses me, rolls my nipples between her fingers, even slides her hand down between us to rub my clit, and I don't know if it's the additional physical stimulation of my cunt walls clenching around him or the visual stimulation of us making out inches from his face, but this is when Russ loses control and pounds into me in his orgasm.

There was also a lot of thought about Amelie, a chance for a little privacy with her, maybe after her roommates go to sleep for the night, when she and I have already been cuddled up to one another throughout whatever movie or TV we were all watching in a darkened room. But now that others are sleeping and we're alone, instead of just stroking her shoulders I can give her a face-to-face embrace and a long kiss on the mouth. The upper slope of her breasts presses against the lower slope of mine as I pull her even closer -- lift her up and swing her onto the bed, for a giggle.

26 Apr 2005 -- Amelie continues creeping into my brain, both in her own self (in the shower I was slipping two fingers inside myself and moaning her name as I bent them into that perfect spot) and via Buffy. After watching The Wish this morning and seeing the alternate universe Vampire Willow and Xander torturing captive Angel, I thought of all kinds of not-suitable-for-TV sweet tortures for them. (Hey, I guess I have to identify with nerdy, good-hearted types turning into confident sexy evil vampires -- it would be the only way to implant some confidence in us.) It's also interesting for the characters -- in all the fanfiction I've read that has Xander with any guy, he's invariably bottom and/or submissive, so it would be different to make him dominant.

Monday, February 28, 2005

2/25 -- Last night trying to go to sleep, I semi-dreamed of playing lingerie dress-up in my room with Amelie, Todd, and Jeff. It was really hot showing them that black net top I made and seeing what of mine would fit Amelie and putting that little maroon satin sarong around Jeff's hips (I think I thought of seeing the pic of him on Todd's LJ all eyelinered up for the club) and Todd would probably have to do all the makeup, but then he seems to do Amelie's nails and hair streaks.

2/27 -- Went dancing last night -- another thing I've got to do more often, particularly at a gothy club like the Castle where there are more people who strike me as hot, who move unreservedly. It was more women out of the strangers there who caught my eye, especially the blonde girl from the club's pedestal dancers with her hot pants and her layered fishnets and bare midriff and grinding/dancing ability.

It was Todd and Amelie and Anne and me and we met up with Jeff and others Todd knew there, but with Jeff, once I saw him out on the dance floor, he moved from "moderately cute" to "I just wanna ride him!" Outside the club, the whiteface makeup and Insane-Clown-Posse-extended-smile did nothing for me but in the club you could barely see it. And he took off his shirt so he's dancing in fedora, black leather collar with rings, baggy black pants and high-top sneakers, and at times I had trouble not staring. I wanted to throw him down on a bed and straddle him and slide my wet cunt down onto him and pump him, squeeze his cock inside me and find the angle for his cock to hit the deepest spot, one hand behind me to fondle his balls and run down his ass-crack, the other roving his chest, rolling his nipples between my fingers.

I also spent a lot of time looking at Todd, with his cherub face and a mouth that I want to watch wrapped around a cock -- maybe Ed's, since Ed did say "lips are lips" -- and watch him lick and suck until, unlike that remark about the cheese in the restaurant after the club, the white substance dripping from his lips is cum.

And Amelie. I never have the guts to have her sit on my lap instead of Anne's or Ed's or Todd's. I want to invite her over while Ed is at work to watch porn or play with liquid latex or whatever, and she can sit on my lap on the couch while the porn rolls on the screen and I whisper in her ear that for once I wanted to have her to myself. And kiss her and explore all of her with my hands reaching under clothes at first and then perhaps retiring to more space in the bedroom where the clothes are got out of the way and I press as much of my skin to hers as possible and explore the folds of her cunt with my fingers. I'd still love to see how much of her hand would fit inside me but her nails are uncomfortably long. And if Ed were to walk in on us, I don't think anyone would object -- that's pretty muc what it took for anything to happen with him and me and Gus -- but I want to explore her on my own first.