29 May 2001 -- Last night I dreamt of Chris W., who was in my grade from first to seventh grade and was rather cute. Oddly enough, though, in the dream he was 16 and a virgin, and I was 21. We were in the back seat of a moving car, with a girl of his age (Electra?) driving and her older date in the front passenger seat. They were making out, too, and that's how we started, but his new-to-this excitement was so contagious that it moved to all our clothes off and me going down on him for a bit, him going down on me for a bit, and finally me getting a condom out of my purse in that uncontrollable excitement so common in sex dreams, and him getting on top of me. He didn't last long but I was so worked up I came anyway. The dream ended after we had cleaned up after the sex, with a police car pulling us over for a broken light.5 June -- A really whacked-out dream last night; I was debating whether to write it here as sexual fantasy or elsewhere as a science fiction story, but I guess there's no reason not to do both.
It was a sort of myself/not-myself in the future. She lived in a townhouse apartment, officially with a boyfriend, but he was a computer addict of a sort who was usually out, spending days, sometimes weeks, at a sort of online/jacked-in center. She was a bit younger than me, specifically was not long out of college, and her parents were "50sers", living in their own little Pleasantville-esque community dedicated to limits on technology and increasing morals. She left for college and stayed out, but was still in contact with her parents and younger (high-school age) sister. She wears long pants to visit them, to be decently covered but still tweak their conventions a little.
She is having a party. Not absolutely free of the taboos of her youth, her outfit is modest by her new world's standards -- a clingy, long-sleeved and long-legged spandex catsuit, mostly holes, but her nipples and crotch are covered. Most of her guests will not be so modest. The dark pink color suits her though.
The party is full of people, chattering and laughing, drinking or relaxing with other light drugs. There is a half-circle booth and table like a restaurant in their living room; she is crowded into it with more friends than it is designed to hold. One of them is definitely Simon; a later arrival who she was excited to see is the Professor, an eccentric man older than she is but not old enough for his white hair. He squashes in on the outside, with her on his right sandwiched between him and Simon. Simon is reaching through the holes of her catsuit, under the stretchy material -- he can't pull the garment off but he can push any part aside. He has three fingers in her wet cunthole. Eventually he just hoists her onto his lap, onto his hard cock, and with his hands on her hips and her elbows on the table, pumps her up and down. The public fucking is nothing unusual for a party; plenty of people aren't even interested enough to watch, but the Professor has scooted over into the space she vacated and is caressing her breasts and face. Conversation continues at the other half of the table, if a little louder due to her unrestrained moans and Simon's more subdued ones -- these people are accustomed to talking over music in clubs and all.
After the fucking winds down, she still sits on Simon's lap. The three of them talk about the use of sex in somebody's literature. (The story went on but the sex is the most vividly remembered.)
6 June -- When I was masturbating myself with the Magic Wand, I kept imagining holding it for Leah. She had on bra and jeans and I held it to the crotch while her hands were tied above her head and her legs wide apart. I rocked the head back and forth against her, moved it from side to side to rub up against her thights, while Russ watched in fascination. I lifted the head a bit and told her to raise up her hips to the vibe, and she did, her muscles tightening all over as the quivering ran through her, and then she reached her peak, legs coming together to clasp the vibrator against her as she thrust and controlled the amount of contact herself while I just held the end and watched her face while she came.
4 July -- Massively weird dream -- my boyfriend was the grown-up (eighteenish) Eric Cartman from South Park (still overweight) and we found his favorite sex act was me fucking him in the ass with a strap-on, which in the dream was really getting me off too. Then the buildings where we and others were living collapsed -- everyone escaped and we all went to this really massive shelter. Eric disappeared and I spent my time with four or five women who were all lesbian-identified bi, though I don't recall any sex taking place in the bunk beds of the shelter.
7 September -- Since I saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (in sneak preview and then again on opening night) I've watched 3 of the other Smith movies and started fantasizing about Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith (separately). Kevin Smith is cuter out of "Bob" persona -- I always did like guys who wear glasses. But me and my thing for long hair continues too, so of course I like Jay, especially after seeing him be nice to a woman in his own twisted way. I was just reading Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman (whose author photo is also cute -- glasses, though short hair 8) ) and basically thinking about all the guys I used to drool over back when rock stars had long hair that wasn't dreadlocks. I still like genderfuck -- a guy with the guts to wear feathers and fishnets appeals to me. It's sort of confidence in himself that he doesn't have that "nail polish is for fags" attitude a lot of straight guys have, and not caring if other people do think so. And I still drool over Dave Navarro in his eyeliner, though he's not exactly doing genderfuck in those leather pants and no shirt. Frat-boy normality is about the only non-sexy thing to me -- I like all sorts of geeks and freaks.
Last night I was also thinking about anal sex -- wondering what it would feel like to be penetrated there (and not as part of a double penetration, as was the last time I found myself thinking about it), and also what it would be like to wear a strap-in and fuck Gus (as the only guy that seems remotely realistic with). Him face-down on a mattress with me pumping in and out of him, maybe with a hand sandwiched underneath him to pump his cock in time with my hips. The harness rubbing against my clit and my tits against his back -- this is surprisingly arousing. I'll have to tell him about it.
23 September -- I've been oddly focused on my own tits lately -- I guess I have been pre-menstrual and they've been soft and feeling swollen, but even longer that that length of time I've been thinking about them. I like holding them in my hands, feeling their soft heft, tracing a route over these hills rising from my chest. They fascinate me too, the way the flesh can shake if I scratch just underneath, the rolling of nipples gently but firmly between finger and thumb. I can't believe they are part of me. Would I handle another woman's breasts the same way? Her nipples, probably -- I love to play with men's nipples. But one can't quite handle someone else's breasts while facing them in the way one touches one's own -- it would be more similar to be behind her and reach around to caress her. I think a bunch of my own stories have people doing that to me. Behind her I can imagine running my hands every place that my arms will reach -- down her front, back over her shoulders, following her spine to her smooth butt, around to her hipbones and then to slide between her parted thighs and feel her folds apart, brushing against her clit.
9 October -- This past Sunday had an interesting incident. My room, overhead light off and candles lighted, after Ed massaged me and then fucked me from underneath -- I love the way his cock hits exactly the right spot then. But the latex being what it is, even after he made me squeak my highest pitch, until my cunt was getting sore, Ed hadn't climaxed. So he lay back down and I started to play with his cock and a bit of Liquid Silk -- amazingly, my arms didn't get tired. I had been using one at a time but then tried alternating, always going from head to base with left then right. This was the final technique of many and I had thought he was going to come before, but this finally brought him over the edge and he came and I slowed down and he gasped, "Keep going." So I did and he kept shooting. The consistency definitely changed and got thinner -- he finally had me stop because as he said "I had this feeling that I was peeing on you." If so, it didn't bother me to get on my hands, but it didn't smell like pee. (And he had the usual urinating-with-an-erection problem afterward too.) But he said, "You made me shoot more than I've ever shot," so I'll be remembering that technique!
Like two weeks ago, Simon and I had a quickie in his new office -- bent over a desk, which only happened because there was an unused desk in the room. In the past there's always been too much junk on our desks. But I think I had a reaction to the green condom -- my crotch itched uncomfortably the whole next day, and I think I had a milder reaction the last time a green one was drawn from his desk. (I've asked him to put those aside.) It was weird, the itching, because (once I got home and took off the pants and panties that were making it worse) the itch made me very aware of my crotch area, and trying to scratch or rub was also a bit stimulating.
10 October -- Went by Simon's office this evening -- at his request, but I was think about doing it before I read his mail. He said he'd had this daydream, and if I would indulge him . . . so I got under the desk and got to suck his cock while he sat in the office chair. I quite enjoyed it -- it's always fun to see the reaction it engenders -- and was able to continue quite a long time before my jaw joint tired out. Then we fucked sitting in the chair (no arms on this one to get in the way, unlike previous available chairs). I told him he should write down these little daydreams, that I had for years, and he joked that I'd put mine on the Web. Maybe I'll surprise him with the URL to Josie's Place and see his reaction.
28 October -- Goddammit, Nerve gave about 3 weeks notice that they were discontinuing home pages and I've got to find another host. It's a massive bitch finding a free place that accepts adult content without doubling the length of the page with its damn banners, especially on such short notice.
But last night I had an interesting dream (funny how it's always the ones with sex in them that I remember best). Someone (never seen) from my old dorm was getting married and guests were gathering to stay overnight in a huge mansion and basically everyone was sneaking around into each other's rooms. I started out alone in an ornate bedroom with a huge bed and ended up fucking Andy from the dorm, while also in the bed were Molly Shannon (as herself, not any of her stupid characters) and a guy who I can't name but looked familiar (Russ's youngest brother? Someone from campus?) And there was another couple in a nearby bedroom, two young and presumably inexperienced people spending their first night together.
I remember we all ran around the next morning trying not to be caught, and after that the dream segued into a peculiar thing about being still horny and wanting to check James Bond films out of the library (odd -- awake, I can take or leave Bond films and never found them all that sexy.)
4 November -- Well, I may have a home for Josie's Place -- when I forwarded Ed and Al a disclaimer from "freexxxpages" that made people promise not to put up anything pornographic, Al sent a request to the admin at vaxer.net for me, since, as he pointed out, I've been to a vax party. So we'll see if that can get set up.
Last night Ed and I ended up at a video clearance outlet and bought all sorts of cheap, obscure tapes. One was "Red Hot Rock," which had a bunch of '80s music videos with too much skin for TV. It was surprising how much I liked that -- I guess hitting puberty in that time period imprints a person. Plus I like '80s music and breasts that are real (and prove it when the topless woman dances) and some nice guys' butts in Dwight Twilley's "Girls" if not the other songs. And I was really surprised at the Tubes videos -- "Sports Fan" had Fee Waybill completely naked at the beginning. Not many (especially male) rock stars willing to do that -- and nice to see the sort of wiry guy I like, who isn't much seen in movies.
Perhaps because of watching this, I dreamed I was in a car with Roger Daltrey (a bit younger than in real life) and we were driving to go to dinner and later in the evening he was going to write a song with Freddie Mercury. But as a passenger I was fantasizing about Roger finger-fucking me, pushing a piece of ice inside me and then keeping his fingers in my cunt and wiggling them with the chill of melted water underneath the warmth of him, and his thumb on my clit. Even in the dream it was anticipation of what would happen if we had time later -- a shame the alarm went off.
8 November -- Today Gus and I were talking about sex (as usual). He told me that at Natalie's instigation one time when he was hanging out with a group, they ended up getting naked (didn't say if it was strip poker or what) and Tanya and Bruce and Natalie and her boyfriend (in pairs) ended up having sex. Gus said he left because he felt he was making them uncomfortable, particularly Tanya. Shame I wasn't there to make another pair, and it seems unlikely that the friends I do hang out with often would go for such public activity. (Wimps! Of course, I don't think I could initiate that semi-group sex, but if someone else had the guts to . . .)
We also talked about the time I dripped the candlewax on him and that we need to do it again. And that I should tie him up and blindfold him and and do the wax and other stuff. We were watching "Slide Bi Me" which had a lot of strap-on use, and I always think of fucking him with a strap-on because he's the only guy I know who would definitely like it. And having him bound and blindfolded excites my toppish tendencies. He said it would be fun to do with both a man and a woman playing with him -- I'd enjoy that if I could find a guy to do it with. Ed has toppish tendencies, or so he says when he's working on fisting me, but he doesn't find Gus attractive.
We also talked about the differences between masturbation and partner sex, and how sometimes one chooses masturbation even when a partner is available because doing yourself is quick, low-energy, and doesn't involve as much sweat. 8) He said Clarice never understood that in him. I admit I feel a little guilty when I masturbate when Ed's around (even though I know of occasions when he's shut the door and had fun with the porn on his hard drive). At least it isn't a problem between us.
Later that day -- Well, the talking with Gus and then reading Tristan Taormino will do this -- my brain's been expanding on the previous fantasy. I set this in a bedroom on that double bed -- he takes off his clothes and I put a black blindfold on him. Then he lies down on his back, spread-eagled, and I tie him down by the wrists and ankles. I flick a lighter near enough to his ear that he can hear it and then use it to light the taper in its stand. I play with his chest hairs and run my hands over his skin for a while, working up to scratching him with my nails, and then without warning grab the candle with one hand while still gently scratching with the other. The first drop makes him jump and gasp, and I try to keep up the surprise and not get into a predictable rhythm. In between adding wax splotches to him, I keep playing with him, particularly his balls and crack. When his skin is pretty well dotted and he's been moaning and squirming, I put the taper down and get out a bottle of lube and a buttplug. One slick hand fondles his erection, the other rubs the outside of his asshole. He's pushing his hips up and forward against both my hands. I take the hand away from his ass and rub lube over the plug before putting the tip to his hole. Slowly, and with the help of his hips' pushing against it, I work the plug inside of him while stroking his shaft. Once it's in, I return to dripping wax on him, seeing if the buttplug makes his reactions any different when he moves. Finally I put the candle back on the bedside table and get out a condom -- it's a pain to roll it over his cock with my slick hands but I eventually manage. Then I climb on top of him and slide down onto his cock, reaching behind me with one hand to play with his balls while I pump up and down. My other hand is rubbing my clit and it's a bit difficult to stay upright without supporting myself on my ahands. But it feels so good to move my hips around to rub his cock against the best places inside me and press down on my clit, and Gus is fucking me from beneath as well as his bound limbs will allow.
I can't stay upright and take my hands away from our crotches so I can hold my torso up and my legs have less to bear. I'm pumping up and down as fast as I can and when I give it any attention I hear my own moans getting louder and more high-pitched, and Gus is even louder. I stretch forward to put a nipple against his lips; as he starts sucking, the ridge around the head of his cock slips in and out of my cunt and inside, hits exactly the right spot -- my muscles start clenching around him as I go from moans to squeaks.
As my own orgasm subsides, I push myself back upright and keep rocking my hips back and forth. I roll his nipples between my fingers, and then reach backward to press gently on the base of the buttplug. A brief period of this on-and-off pressing seems to send him over the edge and he starts thrusting really hard into me, setting off a nice set of aftershocks for me.
We both wind down into stillness for a bit before I take off the blindfold, kiss him, and have to slide off his cock to unfasten his wrists. He stretches his arms out in several directions and then puts his arms around me.
9 November -- Last night's getting-to-sleep thoughts involved stripping down to those see-through yellow lace panties and giving Russ a lap dance at Gus's with Gus and Simon looking on and giving me "rules" to go by (like "he can't touch you anywhere that a bikini covers!") I'm whispering to Russ that I'm going to tie him to the chair for being a bad boy, and telling him all the stuff I wanted to do to Leah with the vibrator while Russ looks on.
This morning my wake-up thoughts were looking forward to Simon moving out of his parents' place and me bringing some supplies over to his new bedroom. I tell him to take off all his clothes and lie on his back on the bed, and then I put the collar around his neck and tie his hands above his head. I run my fingers over him, stroking all that skin usually covered in his oh-so-professional clothes. His eyes close and his head pushes back into the pillow. I pass an index finger over his lips and, as always, he tries to catch it in his mouth. I'm too fast at first, but then I let him catch the finger and suck on it -- if it feels so good to have a finger sucked, I can't imagine what it's like to have a penis that's being sucked. [Sorry, I never finished this one.]
25 Nov -- I got an ad yesterday wanting me to subscribe to Penthouse Forum -- I think I'm on their mailing list from buying Gus that gift subscription to Variations last year. But I thought it was really funny that the letter said "You're the kind of guy FORUM was created for. You're the kind of guy we want as a subscriber." Not unless their definition of "guy" is substantially different than most people's! And the ad was so firm about the magazine containing "dreamy, delicious, dying-to-be-satisfied women who dare to live out their secret fantasies." Why not assume that some of those women read the magazine? I like Forum and Variations (with rather a preference for the latter) because it's such a bitch to find readable text erotica. I'm spoiled; I want the spelling, grammar, and punctuation to be correct, or else it's distracting from the feeling that builds inside. Those two magazines were some of my first exposures to down-and-dirtiness, and female signatures on some of the content helped a lot. But obviously no one checks the mailing list database for female first names.
26 Nov -- It's weird; when I'm starting from slightly aroused, I think of dominating people. Last night, going to sleep, it was a woman -- no one I know, just a woman with chin-length har, who'd agreed to be topped but was still nervous and scared, gagged and with me rolling her tits firmly between my fingers before furiously fucking her with a dildo held in my hands for the most control over thrust, timing, and pressure.
It's only well into my own masturbation these days that I feel submissive, a master commanding me to spread those legs wider, lift those hips, give the onlookers a better view. Almost starting to be the woman I was topping, though her hair was different from mine, and her body. I don't quite know how to get the sub side of me-the-switch out any other way. Not that I don't enjoy my toppish fantasies as well as the other ones, and B&D, D/s erotica often has a great effect on my no matter whose point of view it's written from. I just wish I could bring both sides out equally (though not simultaneously!)
Oh, and today I affirmed to Simon the existence of Josie's Place (after a few previous jokes). I didn't give him the URL, just some clues. We'll see what this little Internet Hunt leads to (though he seems to be getting involved with Christy enough that I think anything soon with him and me will be strictly verbal.)
3 Dec -- Another half-dream continued as I woke up -- imagining that the Beatles had come to spend time in New York before they were famous and I went back in time. As usual, it was John Lennon who I ended up in bed with -- I see him personality-wise as rather like Simon, but semi-naive on some issues merely because of the way the '50s and early '60s were. The pillow talk would be interesting. But unusually enough, I also thought about George, who being three years younger would have been only 17 or 18 at the time and would have been fun to play around with. And then ending up in between the two of them for a joking-but-pleasurable evening.
14 Dec -- I had this dream last night and the later part of the dream was me writing the first part of the dream in here, because it was so powerfully erotic, and of course when I woke up not only had I not written it down but my memory of the first part was quite blurry. It started in some kind of theme restaurant/water park with me and five friends, three couples -- Russ and his real-life ex Gail, and Will and another Gail (I think the one Ed knows), and I think Gus and me. We were all making out in the ride cars and the tubes of covered waterslides. Then we all went home -- we lived in something resembling a trailer or trailers with fold-away furniture, and started fucking each other, swapping partners, and I really wish I could remember the details that made me so turned on.
16 Dec -- Dreamed and woke up and kept enjoying this -- Leah wanted to surprise Russ and bring in another woman so she blindfolded him and tied his hands to the headboard and brought me in. I was to try and not speak or anything that would reveal my identity. So I get on top of his on the bed; Leah stretches out alongside us, and I proceed to use my hands and mouth all over Russ, tweaking his nipples and running my tongue down his stomach, and eventually getting his cock inside me. While we're moving up and down, I've got one hand stretched over to caress Leah who is squirming enough that Russ can probably feel it next to her. She sucks on my fingers, then guides my hand down her body.
Russ reaches his climax and the thrusts and hearing his cries send me into my own. After I've collapsed on top of him with his cock still inside me, I lean a bit sideways and kiss Leah. She takes my head in her hands and keeps me there for a while, while my hand on that side is straying all over her. When she lets go of me, I twist down to suck on one of her nipples, and my hand is between her legs. Oh God, she's so slick -- two fingers slide right inside her and my thumb starts gently massaging her clit. She is pushing her hips against my hands and making short moans, punctuated by gasps of surprise when I stroke a particularly sensitive place. Russ, not immune to the stimulation of sound and touch, is starting to move under me in a slow rhythm, but I'm mostly concentrating on what I'm doing to Leah. The next time a thumb movement seems particularly effective, I keep repeating it while curling my inserted fingers up toward the front of her body -- she lets out a stifled scream and lifts her hips straight off the bed. My own body has kept up with Russ without needing to think, and I'm overwhelmed by sensation coming from all over.
As Leah's moans subside, I go back to more gentle motions of my fingers -- as much so as there can be when Russ and I are pumping with such intensity. It's not long before I take my fingers out of her because I need to support myself on both hands. Leah stretches up to nibble on Russ's earlobe, throwing an arm across his chest, just before he explodes inside me again.
3 Jan 2002 -- Brain still full of the New Year's party. I even dreamed that I was on top, fucking Ed, and Nerissa, she of the purple hair and safety-pinned nose, came and straddled his head.
And, of course: dear Keith, when I saw you wearing Sam's collar, I wanted to remove everything else off you; and dear Mark, when I saw you show off your happy trail I wanted to follow it.
8 Jan -- In addition to consistent fantasies about people I met at the gathering (Keith, Mark, Carl, Conan, and I've somewhere got the idea that Jay would be very good at cunnilingus -- I think it's the beard which so resembled Fred's; I just wanna see my juices spread all over that beard) last night I dreamt a version of the video for "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. I know the original video, which I've never seen, was banned by the BBC for homoerotic content. My dream had the video taking place in a public bathroom, with more and more guys coming in as the song continued, and rubbing up on one another, and eventually toward the end of the song going down on one another. Mostly normal-looking guys, but a few drag queens, including someone in Elizabethan garb with ruff, and skirt that could hide their fellator. Even Holly Johnson wouldn't have expected my video to make it to TV!
11 Feb -- God damn, I wanna play with Jay! I mean, my head has been full of people from the party for the past month and a half -- I wanna make Keith scream, I keep imagining an orgy in a hotel room at some gathering, one all-male bed (with Don, Mick, maybe Jay some of the time) and on the other bed maybe Carl in my ass and Mark in my cunt -- all sorts of fantasies. But since seeing Jay say he was bi and then seeing those pictures of him wearing only green saran wrap and his nipple rings -- I want. I want to see how sensitive those nipples are and get to view that area hidden by multiple layers of plastic.
13 Feb -- Today's wannafuck is Tim -- I never knew I like bearded guys so much. But that bit on IRC about sometimes he preferred to go down on a woman rather than fuck immediately -- always something I like to hear! I want his head between my legs until my clit can't take any more of his tongue or fingers and then I want him to fuck me hard, really ram me.
24 Feb -- All sorts of site-people-related fantasies. After I wrote that last one I was masturbating and ended up fantasizing about him (Tim) and Keith watching meand then after the show giving me more orgasms themselves (as me giving them theirs), Since then I've lain on the floor moaning Keith's name, have fantasized about having him and Dave (as many have said, his new home and the people there will corrupt Dave -- I'd like to have a hand in that corruption!), have gotten wet myself at Lisa's putting up Tim's message for her own arousal, where he talked in veiled-but-obvious terms about going down on her. And today I was finishing user-searching Carl and he made a request that the person who was upvoting him tell him and he'd send them cookies. I debated but finally sent him a message "No cookies needed; I'm doing this for everyone that I've met" and then some comment that it made his writing about male multiple orgasms more interesting to read when you had met their author. ('Cause in that one he had talked about having done Kegels and trying for non-ejacuatory orgasms -- between that and his prostate stimulation writeup, he's been on my mind this evening.) I hope he doesn't think I'm a psycho stalker or something, but I am gradually user-searching everyone I met -- mostly cute guys first, that's all. It's a shame gossip pairs him with Jean or I might feel less weird.
3-27 -- I want Tim. I find myself going to his page more often than Keith's, although that may be because he changes it more often. I read his weblog, I wait for him on IRC because he can be the life of the channel, and I want to go and hang out with him at his parents' house, if only I had a way to get there. And I'd certainly like to fuck him. I visualize all sorts of things up at his parents' place, which my brain has decided looks just like James' parents old house in Orlando. Just the two of us, stretched out on the living-room floor -- maybe him giving me a back rub, and hands drifing around to my tits. I dunno what his situation with Lisa is, so I feel a little weird.
I have also recently though about hooking onto Chuck at a gathering, making my interest obvious, and then getting him along so I can take his clothes off and make if very impossible for him to complain about not being able to get laid. Sweet little virgin boy, a little flabbergasted but certainly easy to please.
3-29 -- Goddammit, Keith, I want you! I want to send you private IRC messages telling you about lying on my bedroom floor pinching a nipple with one hand while the other moves the dildo in and out of my cunt as fast as it can go, trying not to scream your name to loudly. I want your cock in your hand in front of your computer as I describe what I'd like to do to you. It might slow down your responses a little to type them one-handed, but I can live with that; my hips will be rocking back and forth in my seat, thighs rubbing together and stimulating my clit between them as my own words recall my visualizations of what you look like without the t-shirts and jeans I've always seen you in. I long for your naked body against mine, as much skin as I can spread out against yours (as I write this I'm pressing my front against the floor, wanting to dance for you to Prince's "Sexy MF" which is playing -- from your writings and the way you move I think you look at motion the same way I do. Having you on a dance floor would be the next best thing to sex. I want to hear you, hear the noises you make when I run my hand up your thigh, nibble on that exquisite neck, take your cock in my mouth and wet the head all over with my tongue . . .
4-18 -- Recently been imagining Ed and Nerissa on one bed in a room and me on the other with either Keith or Tim, depending on mood. Tim and Lisa are definitely kaput, and Nerissa shaved her head recently -- I don't know if she's keeing it smooth or letting it go stubbly or what, though I visualize it stubbly when she's in bed with Ed. Or maybe it can be Lisa on top of Ed (I think knowing she had shaved her head in the past and remembering one of her writings saying she liked to be on top brought that up). Tits bouncing, Ed not sure whether to grasp them or her hips to control the pumping. On the other bed, me being pounded doggy-style, balls slapping my clit -- the room is full of our noises.
4-28 -- You know with seeing him on IRC and those pics he posted of himself, I'm becoming kind of attracted to Ian, cradle-robbing though that is (hey, he's legal where he lives!) I always like those guys who are willing to talk about everything. The pics make him seem pretty cute and the naked ones reveal a very nice-looking body and cock (and more guts that I've got, to ask a whole group of non-strangers to evaluate naked pictures of himself!) But all that nice curly hair, that wiry body, and what seemed to be a rather above-average cock -- I can certainly imagine enjoying a tumble with him.
4-29 -- Chuck talks so damn much on IRC about being a virgin that I want to get him back in a hotel room or something just to shut him up. OK, not just for that -- he seems very cute and has always been quite nice to me, and I'm turned on by the idea of being his first one even though with Gus it wasn't spectacular. It's just fun to imagine his face as I tell him this thing that's such a big deal to him is here, without the work of finding a relationship. Chuck's sweet tan skin and black hair would be a beautiful sight as he squnches his eyes shut and can't hold his body back from thrusting into me.
I also read in one of the writeups for a gathering I couldn't get to that Tim and Clark rubbed their bare chests against each other for Caitlin's benefit. I hope someone puts up pictures! I might not have been able to keep my hands off myself watching that. I also kinda hope one of them logs it, just to see how they felt.)
4-30 -- So fed up with sex toys -- it's been entirely too long since I've had sex with a person. I want touch, the feel of another human's skin against mine. Male, female, whatever -- my craving is not specific, though of course men are rather more available. But work, sleep, conflicting schedules, other things getting done, it's all in the way. I think Ed may feel similarly -- it has been a while for us. I just want to be naked, to press his body and mine together, to massage and be massaged, to kiss one another's nipples, to have his cock in my mouth or his tongue warm against my clit, and the oomph! of an entire body behind the cock pumping into me. The toys are great for quick orgasms in the exact way you know how to get yourself off with, but there's neither the warmth and intimacy, nor the erotic unfamiliarity that even the longest-lasting lover has compared to the body you live in 24/7.
5-5 -- Today on IRC Tim said Keith needed to get laid. (This was during a discussion of getting Chuck and Ron laid.) I'm surprised but pleased -- maybe I should try e-mailing him.
6-1 -- Goddamn, but that was a messed-up dream -- but fun. It started out as a camping trip with people from the gathering but kind of became an excuse for sex in front of others. Simon and I were sort of a couple at first, sharing a tent, but then ended up swapping, so I'm fucking Rick, on top of him in a tent (that's a tall tent!) with Simon alongside us watching and idly playing with some woman I don't remember. We went canoeing down some huge river, six to nine of us, and in the midst of complete wilderness there was this massively futuristic hotel right on the riverbank, and we all went to stay there -- one room with three beds and an elevator straight up into the room. There was a bit with Simon leaning me over the dresser and fucking me in front of everyone, but the bit I remember best was me, Simon, and Robin on the floor of the stopped and completely dark elevator. In real life I can't stand not being able to see if I choose to, but in this dream it was not only an excuse to get Simon to undress completely (no need to be self-conscious) but a massive intensification of hearing everyone's noises, the feel of every kind of contact, and particularly smell -- sweat in its newly produced and light scent, musk, particularly burying my head in Robin's cunt, licking her and wiggling two fingers inside her -- I really must have sex with a woman sometime.
7-20 -- Since I made firm plans to attend the NC gathering, I've been fantasizing about fucking Tim in a tent. Heat and sweat, his nipple rings to play with, his urgency to go down on me, after that my desire for him to pound his cock into me, even stifling moans which in real life is annoying. I wish I had the guts to even flirt.
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